Dear Creepy Guy at Subway,
Oh hello! I just wanted to let you know that, rest assured, your desire for eye contact did not go unnoticed. In fact, I saw your eyes zero in on me through the glass even before I opened the door. As much as I enjoy awkwardly long gazes, yours reached a new length for me. You kept your eyes on me from the moment I walked up to the door, alllll the way through my ordering process, and then followed me out. It was impressive, really. And I only can imagine it was equally as awkward for the woman you were sitting with. For her sake, I really hope she was a co-worker and not your girlfriend, fiance, or wife. So really, thanks for the awkwardly long gaze and attention to my every move, but next time if you really want to make an impression...I think saying hi will suffice.
Muchas Gracias,
Abby Jane
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