I'm just being honest.

I really hate it when people forget my birthday. I understand we all lead busy lives, I understand we all get busy, I understand we all have our days...I really do. But it is also 2009...and there are also these things called calendars that have been invented where you can put stuff like important things to remember on certain days.

There is also a saying I believe in which goes something like "better late than never". So if you happen to forget one of those important days because it didn't happen to make it onto your calendar, it's better to maybe acknowledge it rather than just realize you screwed up and move on and pretend like it didn't happen.

And I'm really not picky on the type of media used to contact me on my birthday, but I will say if you're family- facebook doesn't cut it. Especially if you're a day late.

#1. If I could say just one thing...

Dear Beth Moore,

I happen to be a fan. I have gone through several of your studies and have found each one to be full of scripture, encouraging, uplifting, and all unique in their own ways. I believe you are a very wise and insightful person, and you have a way with words that is truly a gift from God. Thank you for using your gifts to glorify Him.

I have just one complaint.

I have had this same thought every study I have done, and I think I am beginning to see a pattern. I'm not sure if you yourself, someone in your office, or simply the publishing company makes the Bible study books that accompany your studies, but whoever it is...I don't think they actually do them. You wanna know why?

The spacing.

I don't think I have abnormally large handwriting, I have seen bigger, but it seems as if the space for a three letter word is _______________ this long, and the space for an 11 letter word is ___ this long. And I know you will probably turn this problem I have into a "teachable moment" and let me know that this is not one area where perfection is necessary and it's okay if my words spill over into the text just a little bit and I probably need to break free from this stronghold in my life and just step it up...but I really don't want all that to happen. I just want more space for long words and less space for short words.

I don't mean to be a fussypants mcgee, but really.

I'm just sayin,
Abby Jane

#2. Gettin 'er done.

Warning: I am not prepared to be serious on this here Serious Tuesday.

I fell asleep at 7pm this evening.

I think I may have some permanent eye damage from the amount of hours I have spent staring at computer screens in the past 14 hours.

It's amazing to me how much you just know about your job that you don't really know others don't know until you're asked to teach someone else or write it all down.

At this rate, I won't be getting a new job for another 10+ years. I hate updating forms. I hate updating databases. I hate writing everything down. I hate other people watching what I do. I hate paperwork. I hate goodbyes.


Forecast for the next three weeks of my life: insane.

#3. At the risk of being thought of as weird...

If you are a woman, I am sure at one point in your life you have thought about what to name your future children. (Guys, it's okay for you to do this too, but if you haven't, don't feel left out...please keep reading.) If you are a Christian, I have a feeling the thought has come to your mind, 'Hmm...should I give my child a Biblical name?'

I, for one, am a fan of my Biblical name. For those of you who have yet to come across my name...let me help you out. In I Samuel 25 verse 3 it goes something like this: "His name was Nabel and his wife's name was Abigail. She was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but her husband, a Calebite, was surly and mean in his dealings." Minus the whole marrying a fool part, I'm pretty sure you would like your Biblical name too if you were described as intelligent and beautiful. However, I can understand your discontentment with a name like Judas or Jezebel.

All of that to say, I am a fan of Biblical names (although there are some non-traditional names I am also drawn to). I imagine my children will have a mixture.

However, there is one name that I anticipate having to fight my future husband for, but it's going to happen. (I might put it in the pre-nup...just playin'.) A long time ago I read a certain Bible story, and I was immediately drawn to the name. I remember thinking how strong the woman was and how kind of proud I would be to be her mom. And it's not because I'm about women's rights and women are just as strong as men and all that stuff, I just remember her doing something kind of gross but so calmly and with such strength. The story is found in Judges 4 where a woman named Jael put a tent peg through the head of an army commander. And as sick and disgusting as that is, she knew what God asked her to do and she did it.

And just in case any other kids discover what her name really means in Sunday school, my plan is to name her with the initials J.L. so her mommy can call her that and can one day share with her the reason why, but it will be our little secret so (hopefully) she won't get made fun of in Sunday school. Or, even worse, having her friends think her mom is weird.

Oh, and hopefully I won't marry a fool. Fingers crossed.

#4. Big Days.

An older man at my church (and when I say older, I mean at least in his 70s) has recently started calling me "Abs". It's kinda cute. It makes me smile every time because I'm not really sure why he started calling me that or if he knows that only people between the ages of 20-26 call me that.

Today was a big day. They announced I was leaving in the service, I told the kids during Sunday school, and they also announced it at Perrysburg. Next Sunday will be my last week at First with the elders praying over me and having a party with the kids. The week after that will be my first Sunday at Perrysburg where I will be introduced in both services.

So far things have gone well. There are only two kids who won't talk to me, so 2/50...I figure that is a pretty good percentage. How do you make a 12 year-old understand that sometimes God leads you in another direction- and it has nothing to do with them? Especially when both of these kids have had a parent who has been "lead in another direction" recently, but God didn't have anything to do with those plans?

"But why did you even apply for the position Ms. Abby?"


Ay yi yi. Pray for me please.

#5. Cheating and questions.

I didn't blog yesterday. And I could very well cheat. Just like I can blog something to post a day ahead of time, I can also blog and post something for yesterday. But, I'm not going to. A girl's gotta have some standards.

I have a few questions today that I was hoping you could help me with:

1. To go blonde or not to go blonde...what do you think?

2. If you look in your rearview mirror and it looks as if the car behind you is not going to stop and you can see the driver is not paying attention, what would you do?
a). Swerve into oncoming traffic and hope those drivers are paying attention and will stop quick enough.
b). Inch forward as much as you can and brace yourself for the impact.
c). Put the car in neutral and hope for the best. An object in motion tends to stay in motion, right?
d). Start getting your insurance information out of the glovebox.

3. If you go on a sympathy date, do you still let them pay?

#6. Justin Case.

I've come to realize I'm not getting any younger. I should have taken everyone seriously when they told me my fish bowl would greatly decrease in size when I left my small, Christian college. And even when my friend told me not to join that women's Bible study and to look for a co-ed Bible study, I didn't take her advice. I don't even attend that singles group at the large, non-denominational church about 40 minutes away like my other friends do. I'm pretty sure my future husband is there, so I'm probably messing up God's plan for my life by not going.

All of that being said, I'm looking for a Justin Case. Since I'm not getting any younger and not doing any of the things I am supposed to be doing to find my future husband, I should probably have a Justin Case. You know, help God out a little.

What to look for: Well, I like my men like I like my coffee- strong, dark, and rich. Preferably taller than me, since I like to wear heels occasionally. Should probably know how to deal with a high maintenance woman, since I've been told that can be me at times. (If not, there is always my sister to get along with.) And I suppose he should have a pretty good sense of humor. Also- an ability to line dance, since I've been known to break it down at country concerts.

Of course, all of these are negotiable since he will be a Justin Case. But there is one non-negotiable that I'm hoping will weed out a few: personal hygiene.


Please post all suggestions as comments. Serious inquiries/suggestions only.

#7. Business Cards.

I think the whole idea of business cards is kind of silly. I'm sure they are useful if you are some high-powered executive or maybe a salesman, but for the ordinary working girl, I think it's a little ridiculous. Isn't that what blackberrys are for these days? So you can just type all that information in straight away?

Either way, at one of my current places of employment, education and credentials are extremely important. Therefore, we all have business cards with our degrees listed after our names. Mine reads "Abby Jane, BA" and I just can't help but giggle every time I look at the stack of them sitting on my desk. I like to pretend it stands for something else. No, I don't have a Bachelor of Arts degree thank you very much, I'm just a certified bad A.

I'm not sure if this really is funny or if this just means I'm probably too immature to have business cards. I'll be getting new business cards in the next couple of weeks. I'm hoping these ones won't have my degree listed or else I might just spend my first day in my office giggling.

#8. Conversations with Barb.

I don't know how many of you actually know my mom. If you haven't met her, 1. well, it's a shame and 2. you probably should. I happen to think she's pretty funny. Like today, for instance, here is how our phone conversation went:

me: Why should I be the one to stop and buy milk? I don't even drink milk.
Barb: I know you don't, but you should.
me: Mom, if I'm going to get osteoporosis, it has already set in by now.
Barb: That's not funny.
me: I know it's not, but it's the truth.

See? Isn't she funny? :)

PS. I hope she doesn't see this.

#9. Thankful.

Happy Labor Day everyone. I am currently walking 5 miles across the Mackinaw Bridge with the rest of my family, but thanks to technology and my schedule, you are reading something I wrote last week!

Sometimes it is difficult for me to think I deserve something. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of times when in my selfishness I think I deserve a lot more than I have, but I'm talking specifically of God's goodness to me. I know nothing I have done in my life has or ever will make me worthy of His sacrifice. He died for me because He loves me and that's the bottom line, but what about when He is good to me? Do I really deserve it?

"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!" Matthew 7:11

God has certainly blessed me this past week. Do I think I am always deserving of it? No. I have learned to trust Him through circumstances, I have learned to ask Him to provide for my needs, and I have been faithful in what He has called me to do these past two years. But was I always trusting, always asking, always faithful? No.

But I think it all comes down to this: God is love. It isn't just a part of who He is, it is who and what He is. And I am His child, and it is out of His love for me that He gives generously.

And I am very thankful for that today.

#10. Scrambled.

"And I said what about Breakfast at Tiffany's, she said I think I remember the film and as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it and I said well that's the one thing we've got..."

Have you ever seen Runaway Bride?

If you haven't, quick rundown: Julia Roberts keeps leaving guys at the altar, and Richard Gere is a journalist who has figured out why she always leaves...and in the process has fallen in love with her. Got it? Good.

Ike (R.G.) claims she doesn't really know who she is. With every new guy, she changes to like whatever he likes. You like backpacking? Me too. You like motorcycles and tattoos? Me too. By the time she gets to the altar, she realizes they have no common ground, and she runs.

This happens all too often. People pretend to like things they really don't just because they think it will get the person to like them more. But in the long run, where does that get you besides two years down the road with a person you have no common ground with and don't even really like?

I have to be honest, when I was younger there were things I pretended to like that I really hated. Like in high school when I went over to my boyfriend's house for dinner and his mom made the worst chicken ever. Ew. I hated it. (Then again, I don't think that is one of those things you can really admit within the first month of dating.) Or golf. I hated golf, but I pretended I was interested. In three different relationships even!

But the older I get, the more honest I am with myself and with others. Yes, I hate fish. I won't eat eggs any other way than scrambled. With cheese preferably. I hate sci-fi anything- books, movies, etc. I don't enjoy them. And I really don't like golf.

What about you? Have you ever pretended to be someone you are not?

#11. Heartache Re-Visited.

I just couldn't get enough of that title: The Magnificent Adventures of Heartache. So naturally I had to keep thinking and writing about it.

It's not only an issue of trust in past circumstances. It's the future. Do I trust Him to not only turn the worst day of my life into something beautiful, but do I trust Him to take every aspect of my life and turn it into something beautiful? Am I willing to be used for His glory?

Our executive pastor was sharing the other day that if given the choice to write the script of our lives, none of us would choose the script we've been given or the script that has been written so far. But we also know that His ways are not our ways, or His thoughts our thoughts. They are much greater and much more significant than we can ever imagine. The Creator of the entire universe has written the script for my life, and I have the audacity to question it? Who am I apart from who I am in Him?

There is a part of my life that involves heartache that I often question God on. Is this really Your plan? Why does reading that e-mail or seeing that picture bother me so much? Are You sure You meant for it to be like this? Was it all just a waste my time and energy? Why do I still feel the way I do? And I wrestle with God over these questions of uncertainty and doubt.

I was encouraged the other day by Jon Acuff's thoughts on wrestling with God. I hope you are too.

#12. Ink.

I never thought I had a problem with tattoos. In fact, normally when they would come up in conversations with friends like, ""Yeah, I'm thinkin' about gettin' a tattoo, I just don't know what to get..." I would agree with them. "Oh yeah, me too," I would say, "I mean, I would totally do it." And then I would make some joke about having Kat from (previously) Miami Ink do it because she is totally bad A and a really good tattoo artist.

I don't know if this is the day my father has secretly hoped for my entire life or not, but I don't think I will ever get a tattoo. And here is why:

1. I recently had a friend tell me that God told her to get a tattoo. My response was, "Well, I hope He doesn't ask me to get one too!"

2. I've seen too many Jesus fish on people who don't seem to live a whole lot like Jesus. (Side note: to my use of the term "Jesus Fish" my parents replied, "you mean an ichthys? I've never heard it called a Jesus Fish before..." Man they are behind the times.)

3. Dumb ideas. Raise your hand if you have ever tattooed your boyfriend's name on your neck and he left you a week later. Okay, maybe that's not always the case, but too many people get a tattoo of something that "means something to them" that 3 months down the road doesn't at all. Oh, you got a palm tree to remember that week you spent in Florida? Oh, you got a ginormous carebear on your back because your cousin's friend's sister used to call you that when you were little?

4. The old lady down the street with the withered rose on her arm. Has it always looked like a withered rose or is it the result of age, you ask? I don't think I need to say any more.

5. My high school male gym teacher had a rose tattoo on his leg. Every day he had to wear calf length socks to cover it up.

Don't get me wrong, if you have a tattoo, I probably like it if you can tell me what it means to you and especially if Kat from (previously) Miami Ink did it- I will think you are totally bad A. I just don't think it's for me.

#13. I have a secret.

I am sort of a cheater. You see, I was out of town last weekend, and I will be out of town again this weekend. And I didn't have internet access. And I won't have internet access this weekend. Do you see how I'm cheating yet?

Well, it's true, I haven't exactly been blogging every day. In fact, as I write this confession, it is actually Monday night. However, I have a schedule...and even though I haven't been writing every single day, I have something written for every day that will actually post on that day even if I don't even see a computer.

1. Isn't technology amazing?
2. Do you think any less of me?

Really, and I'm not making excuses for my dishonesty, but my point in trying to blog every day was to get back in the habit of writing on a regular basis. Unfortunately, before I made that bold declaration on my blog, I didn't take a look at the upcoming 21 days on my social calendar. Hence, the schedule.

So there you have it. At least I came clean on day #13 and didn't wait til the end. I hope you won't think any less of me.

#14. The Magnificent Adventures of Heartache.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I came across a CD on my last.fm playlist with this title: The Magnificent Adventures of Heartache. I had to sit and think about it for a minute. The Magnificent (so far so good) Adventures (adventures? I like adventures!) of (articles are always needed) Heartache....BAM! Curveball! Of what? Did he just say what I think he did?

And then I continued to think about it. And I continued to think about it in the context of what God has been showing me recently.

You see, even over 3 years later, I still have days when I struggle. Days when the re-run of the Oprah show is on, and I am caught off guard by someone's comment to me about 'the horror of it all.' Days when I am riding in the car with my brother and he plays me a song a friend wrote and produced about the events that day. Days like these because to me, it isn't a date. It isn't an event. It isn't a news story. It isn't an accident. It is a loss. It is the loss of a sister. It is, to date, the worst day of my life.

And then I think about Jeremiah 29:11. He knew this was going to happen. He knows the plans for my life. He knew His plan for her life. His plan is not to harm us, but to prosper us...to give us hope and a future. And that sounds nothing like the worst day of my life.

And then I think about pearls. Wikipedia tells me that "It is thought that natural pearls form under a set of accidental conditions when a microscopic intruder or parasite enters a bivalve mollusk, and settles inside the shell. The mollusk, being irritated by the intruder, secretes the calcium carbonate and conchiolin to cover the irritant. This secretion process is repeated many times, thus producing a pearl." Something beautiful is formed out of an intruder or an irritant or accidental conditions.

I heard a speaker recently share the value of finding pearls in difficult situations and here are a few he shared:

The Relationship Pearl- Who is someone I have met through this painful situation that I wouldn't have met otherwise?

The Wisdom Pearl- What books have I read that otherwise I wouldn't have read?

The Ministry Capacity Pearl- Who have I been sensitive to or showed compassion to that I wouldn't have otherwise?

The Prayer Life Pearl- How much more have I talked to Him?

Spiritual Intimacy Pearl- How much closer have I grown to Him?

And this is what it comes down to: Do I trust Him to take the worst day of my life and turn it into something beautiful? Do I trust Him more today than I did that day or than I did yesterday?

"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

verses 12, 13

#15. Balance.

"How do you keep balance in your life? It seems as if you are a doer, and you are involved in a lot of things. How do you make sure you have balance?"

Out of all the interview questions I was expecting, this question was not one of them.

I have always known the importance of having balance. I would say that balance saves you from a various amount of things: health conditions, unhealthy relationships, weight gain, cynicism, burnout, etc. It has always been easy for me to see the unbalance in others' lives and think, 'wow, that is really unhealthy for them...they need to take a step back and find some balance in their life.'

But this question threw me off guard for a minute. Sure, I believe balance is important, but what daily, conscious decisions do I make to keep balance in my life?

Fortunately, about two months ago, I noticed one area of my life that was becoming a bit unbalanced and was able to share it: my e-mail inbox. I know, I'm not really as popular as I think, but I have one e-mail address for the following things: job #1, job #2, committee #1, committee #2, friends, family, and random junk mail and spam. I found that I was spending the majority of my evenings at home answering work e-mails instead of answering e-mails from my friends and family. I then made a conscious decision to commit to no longer answering work e-mails from home. I am allowed to read them, but I can't respond to them.

A couple weeks ago, I was given a laptop at job #1 to replace my other computer and as a convenience during these next few very transient months. It is another thing I have to guard myself from. Am I spending my evenings working on more things or investing in my friends and family or having time to myself? I'll be honest, it's a tough balance for me to keep. (I may or may not have even broken my own rule tonight...)

What daily, conscious decisions are you making to keep balance in your life?