Weeding.

I'm just warning you, this is probably going to sound pretty snobby...

but do you ever wish there was a craig's list elite? Like you had to pass a certain IQ test before you were able to post anything? Or had to solve the answer to some riddle? Or pass a 3rd grade spelling test? I get pretty frustrated looking at 100 postings and only finding one or two possibilities.

I learn better by examples, and maybe you do to, so here it goes:

1. "dell labtop for sale" (what exactly is a labtop? is it kind of like a laptop?)

2. "i am 25 attractive i have a job and a car ma few dollars in the bank" (is this a prerequisite for making a post in the personal ads? It seems as if 90% of people want you to know that they have a job AND a car!)

3. "i want a girl who is normal soone whos funny smart and cute somone who i can be happy with share good memories with i want somone i can hold at night wake up next too evrey morning somone who is pure and honest not a drama case or a cyco i want somone who i can settle down with marry someday somone who is there for me as i am them somone who is my best friend and love of my life somone who i can call my one true love somone who i can come home from work and cuddle up too and talk about one anothers days i want somone who has a good personality and isnt stuck up or snotty or gives a attitude evrey 5 seconds i want somone who is well goal oriented and pure somone who has a good head on there shoulders and somone who is just themselfs i want somone who isnt gehtto who is normal " (who isnt gehtto...of course, and you would think by the number of times he spelled "someone" that he was bound to get it right at least once! However, it didn't happen.)

4. "Free ladies deorerant giveaway" (that's "deodorant" in case you couldn't tell)

5. "...come help yourself but please dont leave a mess!!!" (see posted picture below)

( Could it be any more of a mess??)

What about you? Do you know any secret online marketplaces I haven't discovered yet?

I'll be here all week, folks.

Dad: Hey Abs, what are you up to tonight?
Me: Dinner and a movie.
Dad: Oh? With who?
Me: Wyatt.
Dad Wyatt who?
Me: Wyatt Matter!
(immediate laughter)

I can't believe I came up with this less than 5 minutes after waking up from a nap. I'm just too much for myself sometimes...

We Care.

Has someone ever told you they cared about something or about you and then their actions went and showed the complete opposite? I was reminded of this as I pulled this little baggie out of my box at work. WE CARE. ...however, here is a third of the brochure you attempted to send out that somehow got ripped into shreds, so much so that we can't even tell you who you were attempting to send this to- this is all we were able to recover.
We're sorry.

I am reminded of this too often. If you cared about me, you wouldn't be doing what you are doing. If you cared about me, you would listen to me. If you cared about me, you would not treat me this way.

I'm glad God cares about me so much that He sent His son to die for me. I'm glad God doesn't make mistakes or break promises. I'm glad that my failures don't affect His perfect plan.

Life, Health, and Ridiculousness.

Warning: Grab a snack. This is going to be a long post due to my recent lack of postings, but you'll enjoy it I promise. I've broken it down into sections in case you need to take a break and come back later...

1. I've been busy.
It's a good busy, but busy none the less. Last week was the last full week of classes at the school, my best friend's birthday, and overall just a busy week. I lacked a lot of sleep and was forced to make it up with power naps and caffeine. This past weekend, being a holiday weekend, had a lot in store for me. A Terminator Party on Friday had us watching all the Terminator movies and then seeing the midnight showing of Terminator Salvation. (I was late and didn't make it until about halfway through the second one...still plenty of terminator for me!) Saturday was spent running errands, shopping, reading...and I don't even remember what else. Sunday night was a cookout and bonfire with my small group. Memorial Day was the annual picnic breakfast at the park, laying out, and then a cookout, hot tub time, and The Bachelorette at my sister's house. Overall, a great holiday weekend!

2. I'm injured.
I've had a rough past few days in the injury department. At my softball game on Thursday night, I took a shot to the leg. It really didn't hurt that bad, but it left stitch marks on my leg. The ball took a bad hop, hit me, and then shanked off towards the 2nd baseman. Probably what made me the most upset was not that I had failed to field the ball correctly, but that it was like a 40 year-old woman who hit it and then apologized for hitting me when she got to 1st base. First of all, there are no apologies (or crying) in baseball (or softball) and secondly, it just sucked. Then yesterday at the picnic I was supervising my 2 year-old twin nephews on the playground, which is a pretty intense job. I was at the top of the slide helping Jayden go down. When he got to the bottom, he started climbing back up the slide and out of my mom's reach. I got really nervous that he was going to fall, so instead of taking the time to climb down, I jumped. Kind of a big mistake. I landed on my feet fine, but then the mulch decided to shift, and I fell. And it was pretty funny...my whole falling and rolling and everything...however, not so much for my leg or my hand. I scraped up my entire left leg and lost some skin on my palm. The good news, however, is that my ridiculousness caused my nephew to stop climbing and watch me long enough that my mom could catch him. It was all a distraction technique really...I planned it. I just really hope these all go away before I have to be a bridesmaid on June 20th.

3. I'm speechless.
I saved the best for last, naturally. On Saturday when my sister and I were shopping, I walked into the dressing room, passing a man with a stroller sitting on the bench, and went in to change. My sister sat on a bench opposite of the man. I came out to show my sister what I had tried on. She kind of made a funny face, but I ignored it, and then went to change again. As we were walking out of the dressing room, she said, "So...that was definitely not a baby in that stroller...it was definitely a cat...and it was definitely wearing clothes." I couldn't believe it. I had to see it with my own eyes. So, we grabbed a shirt for my sister to try on, and I took my seat on the opposite bench. My sister and I also discussed before we went back in how I would best be able to get a picture.

Mission accomplished.

My favorite things about this are:

1. I walked right by him, and I didn't even notice.

2. What is under the stroller? Play toys? Treats?

3. The amount of times (in the less than 5 minutes I sat there) he reached over to play with and/or pet the cat.

4. I never saw the woman he was with come out of the dressing room. (Was she even real?)

5. The amount of hatred I have towards cats, making this all the more unreal to me.

What about you? What is your favorite thing?

Rants and Raves.

Today a couple of ladies at work tried to tell me I didn't have a strong personality. My boss actually said, "I mean, I like it that I can't walk all over you and that you won't let people push you around, but I wouldn't say you have a strong personality." And then another lady chimed in and said, "Well, we are all older than her. I can see her being intimidating to people her own age."

Intimidating. I hate being referred to as or called intimidating. Surprisingly, I would rather be called a lot worse of things than intimidating. I mean, if we are talking about my ability to beat you up, then okay- I understand that...but that I'm an intimidating person? I don't buy it.

A couple summers ago, my friend and I were traveling to a wedding with one of our guy friends. We were telling him all of our relationship troubles, and he responded with "Well, you are both intimidating women! You are attractive, smart, capable, independent women who don't really need a man, so as a man...you are tough women to approach because we don't really think we have anything to offer you."

OMG. (Sorry guys, I'm going to be a little harsh here.) In my opinion, saying the reason why you don't approach a woman is because she is intimidating is saying 2 things: 1. I'm lazy but I want you to believe it's my fear of rejection stopping me and 2. I don't really think you're worth it. If they really think that these "intimidating" woman are so amazing, then they should be willing to take what really is a small risk in the scheme of life.

One of my relationships in college that failed miserably (and I'm glad that it did- thank God for unanswered prayers, right?), ended with this being the last thing he has ever said to me: "I always told you you were out of my league, I guess I was right..." I can't even to begin to express how upset I was by that comment. Even now, 4 years later, I can still feel my blood pressure rising. Is that really true? Honestly? Or is it just another excuse to be lazy? I mean- if I was with you, I obviously saw some redeeming qualities...right?


Is there such a thing as leagues?
Does it affect your dating life?
Are you intimidated by me?
Answer at your own risk...I'm feeling feisty.

Don't Mess with Texas.

I didn't know the origin of this phrase.

So...as all twenty-somethings do these days, I googled it. According to Wiki, it was an advertising campaign in the mid 1980s to help reduce littering on Texas highways. Since then it has turned into a cultural phenomenon and "is a frequently cited example of Texan cultural elitism." Funny. I always pictured a group of hicks cowboys sitting around thinking, 'you know, Texas is bigger than all the other states. Don't mess with Texas.' (Being that they were hicks, they didn't really know that Alaska is actually bigger than Texas...but hey, I'm not judging them. I googled it just to make sure.) Or that it had something to do with the Alamo or something.

Don't mess with Texas is kind of how I feel about my dad. My dad is a good person. We are a lot alike, and I think that's why I get so bothered by people's ignorance. God has gifted him with a set of skills and talents that he uses on a regular basis to help others. He is a very capable, talented, loving man who genuinely wants to serve in any way he can. When people take advantage of his kindness, question his motives, or downplay his abilities, it is frustrating. Obviously, he's not perfect. I mean, come on, he grounded me (me!) in high school...but when you doubt someone's abilities or question their motives, it causes them to doubt their self-worth. And that's just not right.

I guess you could say this is part of cultural or family elitism, but either way...I don't have a problem with it.

Don't mess with Texas...or my dad.

Pet Peeve #37: Mothers who lie to their children.

Last night I had to run into Walmart quickly to pick up something for my sister. As I was walking down the aisle, there was a little girl who wouldn't follow her mom. She was at the other end of the aisle and was obviously not planning on moving until she got what she wanted. I then heard the mother say, "Come on Elena, you better hurry up or else the boogeyman is going to get you."

Another woman I know never wanted to be a mother and is quite possibly one of the worst mothers I have ever met. Her son is completely terrified of getting shots. When she introduces him to people, she tells him they are doctors, and they are going to give him 3 big shots if he doesn't listen to them.

I'm not going to lie, I have deceived children I have babysat before by saying things like, "What? More cookies? But they are all gone!" or "That really loud annoying toy you like to bother me with? I don't know where it is!" However, I have never lied for the sake of simply scaring the hell out of a child and especially not just to get them to obey me.

What is it going to be like one day when these kids grow up and realize their mothers lied to them about a lot of things simply because they were too lazy to deal with the real issues and discipline their children properly? Or what if they just showed a little bit of love for their children? Is that really too hard to ask?

Ugh...pet peeve #37.

Baggage.

At the beginning of a new relationship, there is always a large part of me that just wants to put all my crap out there right away. Fortunately, the side of my brain that thinks logically normally kicks in right about then and says, 'Okay, well...you should probably wait a little while before you tell them THAT.'

And not because I have any big secrets to tell because I'm pretty simple. In fact, it's probably the little things that scare me more. Like "I think I might have a small obsession with Cool Ranch Doritos. Is that weird?" or "Yeah, I went and saw 17 Again and loved it...so what?"

But really...an ideal world for me would be where I could say: "Hi, here's me...and oh, well hello, here is all the crap that comes with me, so take it or leave it I guess, babycakes."


PS. Don't read too much into this...I'm just sayin'.
PPS. Spellcheck didn't know what to do with the word "babycakes".

Happy Anniversary, Gina.

(This isn't really Gina but a twin sister, I'm sure of it.)

This week marks the one year anniversary since I have owned Gina. I'm surprised Pete, my car salesman, hasn't called me yet. He always finds reasons to call me and ask me out for a beer, so I figured this week would have been a good week to call. He might have a girlfriend now, which would be good for him, so hopefully. I'm happy for him.

Overall, Gina has been a pretty great car. I get her an oil change every few months, and she hasn't had any complaints yet. However, she might need some work done soon, but seeing as how I've driven 20,000 miles in the past year, I can't really complain either.

Sidenote: I found out last night that a girl on my softball team is named Gina. I can't even handle it. Last night when they started cheering "Good job, Gina" or "Nice Try, Gina" I would just start to laugh...out loud. Hopefully I will be able to exhibit a little more self-control next week...but I wouldn't count on it.

Full Body Workout.

Disclaimer: If you are over 60 years of age, this post will probably offend you, unless you read it with a smile on your face. Literally.

Yesterday, as I was speaking to a group of older women, I was beginning to get nervous. They say something like 70% of communication is through non-verbals, such as body language, and I was getting no response. Nothing. No smiles, no head nods, no open postures- nada. After a brief introduction, I tentatively asked who wanted to volunteer in childcare. Again, nothing. All of these thoughts began running through my head like 'oh no, these women came all the way from Arkansas and none of them like little children...is it even okay for them to lift children? am I going to seriously injure one of them?...are they going to be mean to the kids?...what if a baby spits up on her pretty green jacket? is she going to hate me?...' and I began to panic.

At the end of the day, I brought them all downstairs to sort of "de-brief" their first day. I asked if anyone had any questions, and once again...I was met with blank stares. Then one lady spoke up and said, "Well, I just want to say how impressed I am with ya'lls school. I just had the most wonderful day!" And then all at once all 10 ladies chimed in, talking about what they did and who they spoke with and what they enjoyed the most. I couldn't believe it!

I don't know about anyone else, but when I was little, I thought old people were scary and mean. But I think I discovered something this week that explains a lot about old people. And it has to do with anatomy and kinesiology. You would think that during the countless hours I spent studying these subjects in college that I would have gotten this before now, but it just came to me.

Muscle tone. I think that old people have lost so much muscle tone in their facial muscles that even when they think they are making no facial expression at all, they are actually frowning. Add wrinkles- you have yourself a furrowed brow and are well on your way to a scowl! Not only does your face now tend to make an actual scowl, it takes more energy to get those facial muscles to flex, so it might even be laborious to crack a smile.

I don't know about you, but I'm going to try my best to keep those facial muscles in shape well into my 70s. I'm also speaking to another group of older ladies in two weeks, so I will try to keep this in mind and hopefully not get so nervous.

Barbara Ann,

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

In honor of my mother, I made this heart-shaped carrot cake from scratch. In my dad's words, "You know Abby Jane, I wasn't really ever sure you were going to be domestic, but I think you are finally getting better at it. That's a good thing." Thanks Dad, I think. It wasn't perfect (I took them out a smidge early and one of the center's fell...but that's okay, I put that one on the bottom), but it sure did taste good! Either way, I am very thankful for my mother today and for her many lessons in the kitchen!

Love you Mom!

Unbelievable.

You know how sometimes you think things and you maybe tell other people things, but you don't really know if it's 100% true? Well, when I told you about Felicia, the lady who is feeding the stray cats, I did see her with a bag of treats, but I wasn't 100% sure she brought them specifically for the cats or if she just had them on her walk with her dog and just happened to give them to the cats that evening.

Well, tonight I found out it is 100% truth. I let Chiquita out to go potty and she walked out to the street and immediately started barking. I figured someone was coming with their dog, so I had better get out there and get her. Sure enough, Felicia, her husband, and her dog Sky were taking a little stroll, and the hair on Chiquita's back was up about a 1/2 inch. (She is very protective of our house even though about 98% of the dogs in our neighborhood could totally take her and as the dogs get closer she backs further away.) And here is how our conversation went:

Felicia: It's okay, they actually get along! Do you want me to make Sky lay down? She's okay then.
Me: No, that's okay, I'll just hold her.
Felicia: Sky would never hurt a thing. She actually likes her, but they just haven't seen each other in a while.
Me: Yeah.
Felicia: I haven't seen the black kittens out tonight. Have you seen them recently? Do they come down to your house?
Me: (chuckles) Uh, yeah, actually. I find them under my car some mornings.
Felicia: Sometimes I bring a bag of treats with me for them, but I haven't seen them.
Me: Oh really? I have seen a groundhog around the barn the past week or so, and I was wondering if they play nice!
Felicia: Yep, that groundhog lives in the barn. And they better play nice, he needs to share with those black kittens!

I couldn't believe I was actually having this conversation! Everything I have thought was completely true! Uhh...I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do about those cats. And yes, cats, when they are the size of regular cats, they are not kittens, they are big furry cats.

Dreams.

I've been dreaming a lot recently. It has a lot to do with the fact that I have been waking up before my alarm, so those twenty minutes or so before the alarm goes off are pretty action-packed.

Last night I dreamed of Taylor. Stace and I had an apartment on the first floor of English (except a way nicer version that didn't look like a prison) and we had a back entrance that went straight out into the parking lot with a fancy back deck and Stace was worried because there wasn't much security so boys could just come right in but I didn't mind. Except the boys we were hanging out with were boys we never actually talked to at Taylor, so it made the dream seem so much funnier.

It seems that recently the parts of my life that I don't want to repeat are repeating themselves more often than the parts I wish I could repeat over and over again. And if you don't understand that, it's okay, it's not meant for you. But you need to understand just this one thing. I'm not making those same choices this time. I'm done.


So please don't take me the wrong way
Things are fine and people are great, but
I've been thinking about you
Got these far away blues
Got these far away blues

Provisions.

On Sunday morning, I was scheduled to teach. I was sort of dreading it all week, simply because I think the kids see too much of me...and I would get bored with myself if I had to listen to myself as much as they have to listen to me. I procrastinated as usual (see my previous post on procrastination) and didn't start working on it until later on in the week.

Not only do I get bored with myself, the lesson was on Jonah. And let me tell you, when I talk about Adam, Jonah, Noah, Moses, Abraham, David...take your pick of the big guys...it is only a matter of seconds before a kid yells out "I've heard this story before!" I always encourage them, "Listen, God can show you something new each time!" but I have to admit even I was sick of hearing the Jonah story.

I opened my Bible to prepare and began reading. And there it was. Something God has shown me before (it was underlined), but I had forgotten. In chapter 1 verse 17 it says, "But the Lord provided a great fish to swallow Jonah, and Jonah was inside the fish three days and three nights." The reality of the situation is that Jonah would have died if the fish wouldn't have swallowed him.

I am not only amazed by the love God showed for Jonah even in his disobedience, but how He chose to provide for him everything he needed at that time. So often I take for granted God's daily provisions in my life, especially if they don't look the way I think they should. In fact, I even get frustrated by "detours" or circumstances in my life that are most likely the result of my own disobedience in the first place. What a loving God I serve, who is willing to forgive me and set me back on the path He intended for me to take.

All morning when the kids would have a choice whether they were going to obey what I was telling them to do, I would say, "Are you going to Tarshish or are you going to Nineveh?" They would sigh and say "Nineveh". Yeah, sometimes it's difficult to obey, but knowing the God I serve loves me and has a plan for my life makes it easier.

Welcome Home!

There are several things that happen to me on a daily basis that I am pretty sure could never happen to anyone else. Most of the time they give me a good laugh but sometimes not so much.

For those of you who know my mom know that she likes crafts and decorating. So when spring came around, she of course needed a new spring wreath to put on the front door. Not long after she placed the wreath on the front door, a bird decided to make itself a home in it. My dad's comment is, "It's the most authentic spring wreath you can get!" while it mainly just bothers my mom and me.

So tonight when I came home, the porch light wasn't on, and I began walking up the front steps. When I opened the front door, I immediately felt something above my head with wings flapping in my hair. I screamed and ran inside the door as the bird managed to de-tangle itself out of my hair and fly away peacefully. I tried to refrain from using any profanity (I may have failed) as I stumbled in the front door while my parents began laughing at me.

You know, sometimes I think that it would be nice to be surprised by someone when I walk in my front door one day. Like, "Oh my goodness, hi!! I haven't seen you in over a year and what?? My parents flew you in for the weekend?!" However, from now on, I will always remember this bad surprise and try not to wish for any more welcome home surprises.

Here Comes Goodbye.

You always know when a pastor is about to resign. They get up behind the pulpit with a real somber look on their face, and then they say: "Please turn with me to the book of Ecclesiastes." And they begin to read from chapter 3, "There is a time for everything...A time to plant and a time to uproot...A time to weep and a time to laugh...A time to mourn and a time to dance..." A time for me to stay here and a time for me to leave. But it's okay, it's scriptural.

One of my favorite lines from Dumb and Dumber is when Jim Carrey says, "(sigh) I hate goodbyes!" as he drops Lauren Holly off at the airport.

Today I experienced a new kind of goodbye. I suppose as technology gets better and better, these will probably become a lot more common, but I got an "e-mail goodbye" today. A lady who is on a committee with me was going to say goodbye at our May meeting, but since it got cancelled, she decided to write her kind words and well wishes in an e-mail.

I've also heard of teens breaking up with their boyfriends or girlfriends via a text message.

I don't plan on saying any goodbyes in this beautiful month of May, but when I do...I think I'll try not to use e-mail or text messaging. Someone told me yesterday that I have a lot of "tact" and well, I'd like to agree with them on this one.