FWB.

Friends with Benefits. Yep, I have them...and they are all pastors. If you are going to work at a church, I recommend being a pastor. Having been working at a church for almost two years now, I think I finally understand more of the under workings of a church. If possible, shoot for head pastor, but I would recommend being any kind of pastor for at least the following reasons:


1. Line of Defense
It is very tricky to get to the senior pastor. During the week, he has the church secretary (or administrative assistant...or director of office operations...whatever, okay- you just do your job of answering the phone and the door)* who filters his phone calls. In essence, the church secretary can say, "Okay, crazy lady, pastor is unavailable at the moment...can I take a message?", essentially leaving it up to the pastor as to where on his priority list he places "crazy lady". And because it takes a bit of, well, you know- to approach the senior pastor on a Sunday morning to critique his work, the majority of complaints can assuredly come during the week, leaving him with a solid line of defense.

Me, on the other hand, feel free to come up to me on any given Sunday and say, "You are doing an awful job. Really, how hard is it to give kids a hug and a lollipop and tell them Jesus loves you? Isn't that all you do in children's ministry anyway?"

2. Vacation Time
As a pastor, people somehow seem to understand that you need a vacation. They automatically assume it is for spiritual reasons. "Oh, he's just going away for two weeks to really seek God" or "He is probably going to Florida to social network with other pastors" or "He really needs that retreat at the day spa to just get away from all the stresses".

Children's Ministry, on the other hand, is just what moms do all day, every day so why should they get to go on vacations? Please, their jobs are easier than stealing candy from a baby.

3. Discounts
I think at your ordination ceremony, they hand you this special card that says "Use this card to get 20% of everything, everywhere". It's like the church's version of a get out of jail free card. I cannot count the number of times I've been to lunch or the bookstore or ordering curriculum, and they just whip out this card and say, "Here, use this...you'll save loads of money." Not to mention the housing stipends, the people from the congregation who automatically assume you are poor because you are a pastor and take you to lunch or sporting events, reimbursements (oh? You bought a dog this year? Well, that is under the commandment to take care of the Earth and its creatures, so here is a $1,000 expense reimbursement.)...just to name a few.

However, those children's ministry people? You aren't really pastors, and you probably don't even need to work for a living because you have so much money, so no discounts for you.

4. Pay
Really...how long does it take to write a sermon? Fortunately, your work week also makes time for all of those unforeseen events such as hospital visits to little old Gloria who fell and broke her hip, the funeral for old man Harry, and the emergency counseling session with the Jones'. The good news is, if Gloria stays off those darn cement steps, old man Harry's ticker keeps ticking, and Mr. Jones quits eating the last of the Lucky Charms, you have your whole week ahead of you and might even be able to fit in that round of golf- and you still get paid the same.

Children's Ministry workers, sadly, still get paid the same amount, but the workload never decreases enough to fit in that round of golf.



*P.S. I'm kidding...I love our director of office operations, and I don't know what I would do without her and everything else she does besides answer the phone and the door. Even if she was only called the church secretary, I would be okay with it.

Sidenote: to anyone who might be reading this who does not know me...I totally love the pastors I serve with on staff and I totally love my job. Really...we're good.